Growing up, the gender dynamics young American women learn to navigate are incredibly complex. If, as young women, we rebel against the system and speak our mind, we are deemed wild, crazy or erratic. If we play by the rules, we are a “good girl” that reads as submissive and weak. As we navigate our way from high school to college and into the workplace, where we need to assert power, confidence and authority, this paradox becomes more elaborate and difficult to navigate. How do you assert yourself in a meeting? How do you ask for a raise? How do you disagree with leadership? How do you speak out against sexual harassment? When Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified to the Senate Judiciary Committee, she shared more than her testimony of sexual assault. She gave us a hard look at America’s gender bias and illustrated just how much work it takes for a woman to be seen as credible.
These behaviors and norms stretch into the workplace, demanding that women navigate an enigma with grace and ease. Watching Dr. Ford’s testimony, we see a playbook of exhausting strategies women are forced to employ to build credibility for themselves and their work. These coping mechanisms are designed to artfully balance competing contingencies so a woman can be perceived as credible but without enough authority to threaten. And this double standard keeps women invisible in the workplace. What do I mean? Here are five examples:
Be Helpful — Dr. Ford came forward at great personal cost to be helpful to the American people and the Judiciary Committee. In her hearing, there were a number of questions asked to ascertain whether or not she had any ulterior motives, such as fame or riches. In the workplace, women are labeled collaborators and nurturers and those that assert themselves as assertive leaders struggle. In fact, one study found that “a women’s perceived competency drops by 35% and their perceived worth falls by $15,088 when they are judged as being “forceful” or “assertive.”
This is a contributing factor to the wage gap between men and women. Despite the advice for women to “lean in” and ask for more, numerous studies have found that women face real consequences by negotiating their salary and are often penalized by both men and women in the workplace. The perception that women need to be nice and helpful is so fundamental to their credibility and identity in team culture, that asserting their own needs outside of that framework is often read as a threat.
Keep Calm, Carry On — Kavanaugh freely exhibits the full range of human emotions, from crying to rage, without penalty. When Dr. Ford speaks of her experience, on the other hand, we see her garner her strength and “endure it.” Many women see themselves in Dr. Ford’s controlled demeanor and carefully chosen words. Like Ford, women in the workplace know that our emotions, while human, can easily get us dismissed. If we are too passionate or enthusiastic, we are labeled rash or erratic. And crying?
If we demonstrate anger at being interrupted or denied equal pay, we are demonized as being hysterical or crazy. For women of color -- specifically black women -- expressing anger authentically becomes even more impossible to navigate. Day after day, women are required to leave their whole selves at the door and then are negatively impacted when their authenticity wanes and work relationships suffer.
Leave Family Out Of It — Kavanaugh repeatedly references his wife and daughters as proof of his character. Dr. Ford, on the other hand, keeps quiet about her family until asked and then keeps her answer short with a “thank you for asking” politely tacked on. In the workplace, men who talk about their families are seen as having great moral value, often receiving higher wages for being a breadwinner and an honorable "family man." But for women, who already make 18% less than their male counterparts, mothers make even less than women who do not have children. Knowing this, many women choose to not talk about their kids or keep photos of their children at work, fearing the perception that they are distracted or lack focus.
Be Likable — Contrary to Kavanaugh’s rude demeanor, interrupting Senators with fiery rebuke during questioning, Dr. Ford is quiet and calm. She asks permission before speaking and apologizes when she doesn’t understand the judicial vernacular. When things get uncomfortable, she adjusts and makes small jokes to manage the tension in the room. In fact, she is so likable that Senator Hatch calls her “attractive” and “pleasing” -- a reminder to all women that our role is to be composed and likable even in the most stressful of circumstances.
Women see this every day in the workplace. As observed in the Harvard Business Review by Marianne Cooper, the researcher behind Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In:
This conclusion is all too familiar to the many women on the receiving end of these penalties. The ones who are applauded for delivering results at work but then reprimanded for being “too aggressive,” “out for herself,” “difficult,” and “abrasive.” Just look at Jill Abramson, the first woman executive editor of the New York Times, who was described by staffers as “impossible to work with,” and “not approachable,” in a Politico article just days after the paper won four Pulitzer prizes (the third highest number ever received by the newspaper).
In the workplace, women’s role -- in addition to their actual role -- is to build consensus and community that reduce friction and support leadership. But when we step into roles of leadership where we need to be accountable and drive performance, too often we hear “bitch” become the adjective of choice.
Be Valuable — When Dr. Ford took the stand as a victim of sexual assault, she did so as a Professor of Psychology at Palo Alto University and a Research Psychologist at Stanford University School of Medicine who holds degrees from the University of North Carolina, Pepperdine University, the University of Southern California, and Stanford School of Medicine. In addition to passing a polygraph and being able to recite, with chilling specificity, the story of her assault, she offered the Judiciary Committee expert testimony on how the brain processes and stores traumatic memories. Was she paid for this service? No. Like many women in the workplace, Dr. Ford took on additional work support her initial credibility, not for compensation.
That works in the justice system, but in the workplace we see women pressured to volunteer for menial chores, like taking notes, arranging happy hours or scheduling meetings, which actually hurts their ability to advance in the workplace. Women have to both be excellent at their actual jobs and make the tough choices between juggling extra work requests that demean them or saying no and possibly being read as unlikeable (see above).
While this labyrinth of double standards is endlessly frustrating for women in the workplace, seeing it play out in our justice system sends a strong message that, even if we play by the rules, women are still set up to lose. So what’s the next step?
The first step in solving a problem is recognizing that there’s a problem. If we see Dr. Ford’s testimony as a way to have a dialogue about workplace norms, we can impact the companies we work for. Employee Resource Groups for women are a great place to have this dialogue. If you don’t have one yet, talk to HR about being compensated for starting one. Companies are a huge stakeholder in how we, as Americans, shift our collective culture. So however you choose to start the conversation, however small the new habits you instill to support women in your workplace, this is how you can advocate for your systems to change.
