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Over the last week, many witnessed a strong yet little known female leader show what true leadership is all about: serving others before one self. As Carmen Yulín Cruz Soto, mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico refused to engage in a petty squabble with Trump, who had derided her leadership over Twitter in the wake of Hurricane Maria, she won the admiration of many who sympathized with her plight and felt appalled by her treatment.
Cruz provided a powerful example of how women make great leaders. Yet a quick glance at the decision making tables around the world show there is still a marked lack of women involved in what is being decided. Are there external barriers holding women back? You bet. Examples of sexism abound. But one of the biggest hurdles women must still over come is a lack of belief in our innate ability to lead; to be feminine and fierce and a force for change- all at the same time. Something Cruz did in spades.
The truth is that for women to be the force for change the world today so desperately needs requires courage. Courage to confront the critics and to take on the power brokers. Courage to call out those who talk the talk but resist change to the status quo. Courage to lay it all on the line and risk falling short in our endeavors.
Yet risk it we must.
No matter what the problem, conflict or crisis, the feminine leadership strengths – compassion, collaboration, peacemaking, bridge building – are a vital part of the solution. More than ever we need women to step up to the leadership plate wherever they find themselves, to call out inequity, to challenge the established order, to engage in dialogue, and to hold up a mirror to those who have a vested interest in maintaining it.
Below are six brave ways women can do just that.
1. Dare to be more ambitious than you think you have the right to be
Lao Tzu wrote, “People are capable of more than they think.” When it comes to women, double it. Yet too often we underestimate our abilities and sell ourselves short. The 'gender confidence gap' drives clever, creative and talented women the world over to downgrade their ambition and settle for less than they are capable of achieving. While dialing up your daring can be daunting, it can set you on a whole new trajectory that, over time, will foster strengths, open doors and lead to far bigger opportunities to learn, lead and contribute. Not to mention how it can inspire others!
2. Own your value
There is enormous value in diversity of all kinds. Yet until women fully own the value their difference makes, they will be hard pressed to convince the skeptics. Too often women, while trying to be humble, will talk down their strengths and second-guess what they have to bring in comparison to those around them who exhibit the more traditional traits of leadership. It's why we must embrace what makes us unique and sets us apart from the pack rather than trying to minimize it or blend into the crowd. To quote Margaret Thatcher: "You can't lead from the crowd."
3. Be nice, but not be too nice
"Politics is a rough game, and sometimes as females we are taught that you have to play nice," Cruz said in an interview in 2014. "Sometimes you can't play nice."
Women are naturally bridge builders, strong at nurturing relationships and forging bonds. However, we can often be too nice for our own (and others) good and too reluctant to disrupt the bonds we've worked to create. Yet as I've witnessed time and time again, when we tip toe around sensitive issues, withhold our opinion (or worse, apologize for having one), we deprive others of the perspective we bring and issues are left to fester. So don’t let your fear of ruffling feathers keep you from speaking up and speaking out. If there’s something you genuinely want to say, chances are someone genuinely needs to hear it.
4. Advocate for yourself
A Harvard Business Review article Women Don’t Ask cited a study which showed that the starting salaries of male MBS graduatess from Carnegie Mellon were, on average $4,000 higher than female graduates. The reason: 57% of the men had negotiated what was being offered, compared to only 7% of women.
While getting results matters, subscribing to the belief that hard work alone will get you ahead can leave you left behind feeling burned out, bitter or both. Decision makers need to know who you are, what you want and why you should be the one to get it.
Of course just asking for something – whether a higher salary, bigger role or more support – is no guarantee you’ll get it. But not asking almost certainly guarantees you won’t. So lay aside your fear of seeming needy, greedy or lacking humility. Advocating for yourself isn’t about stroking an insecure ego; it’s about letting the people who can help you add more value, do just that. After all, the more people who know what you want, the more who can help you get it.
5. Let no one (not even the President) play you small
"Nothing big was ever achieved by cowering.” Julia Gillard, former Prime Minister of Australia, shared this advice with me for a column in Forbes. Gillard endured one of the most public of failures during her time as Australia’s first Prime Minister but she also rose above it with grit and grace.
If you want to be taken seriously and valued for what you're worth, you have to stand tall in that worth and unwilling to cower to those who may want to intimidate you, no matter how powerful they may be. In every interaction you are teaching people how you want to be treated. So don’t tolerate anything less than being treated with respect.
6. Lay your pride on the line
Maria Eitel, founder and Co-Chair of the Nike Foundation, shared with me that, “Coming from a position of fear, of not succeeding, losing your job or not being admired handicaps the potential of your career. I’ve never let fear of losing my job keep me from doing something I knew was the right thing to do.”
Risking failure, criticism, rejection, and job loss, can be scary and emotionally uncomfortable. Yet, you cannot build your leadership competence, capacity or confidence unless you do. And while losing your job may seem pretty drastic, the courage you demonstrate by laying your security and reputation on the line can set you apart and earn untold respect. It’s that very courage people yearn to see in their leaders.
Millions of people in the world today are suffering needlessly because too many people with the power to help them are more focused on protecting their pride and maintaining their position than on using it to serve others. There is too much ego and petty pride sitting in power and too little compassion and courage to listen well, collaborate more and build bridges rather than walls. Never has there been such a clarion call to action for women around the globe to refuse to cower and start owning the power that resides within each of us to affect change. Only then can the millions of women who have little of the education or opportunity we can so easily take for granted, ever exercise theirs. So it is not just our responsibility as educated women to be braver in how we live and lead, it’s our obligation. Who’s with me?
We will be braver together than we can ever be alone.
